I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
