Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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