could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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