it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
4 words: hood of his car
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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