you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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