Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
