this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
