I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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