Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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