Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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