Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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