Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
