I just made out with a guy for $7.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
