While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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