Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
