You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
