My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
