He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
