i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pants are for mortals
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
