Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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