I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
