What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
