He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
