We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
