just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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