Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think people are normalizing furries
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
