So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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