I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
