While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
