FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
