the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
