they need to just BURY HIM!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
