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We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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