At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
