ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
