Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
