I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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