Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
