do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
