But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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