I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
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You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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