Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
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i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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