Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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