I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
