I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
