i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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