Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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