I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
