Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
