I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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