Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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