are you still at the devil's house?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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