Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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