She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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