Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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