i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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