nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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