Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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