Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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