she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
