watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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