I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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