Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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