told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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