Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
