I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
