speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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