OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
