Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
