mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
