Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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